You are an Internet Addict When...

1.) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

2.) You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

3.) Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.


4.) Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

5.) You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

6.) You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

7.) Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.

8.) You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

9.) Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

10.) All of your friends have an @ in their names.

11.) When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

12.) Your dog has its own home page.

13.) You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.

14.) You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

15.) Your phone bill is as heavy as a brick.

16.) You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

17.) You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

18.) Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.

19.) You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

20.) You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.

21.) You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

22.) Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

23.) You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."

24.) You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.

25.) The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.

26.) You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

27.) Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

28.) As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.


added 31 March 2001

Addicted Internet Junkie

/* This one is a classic, but still good. */

You know you are an addicted internet junkie if...

1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!! (this was for back-in-the dial-up days)

2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.

3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."

4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ......instead of ICU!

5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.

6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer.

7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.

8. Tech support calls YOU for help.

9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."

10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.

11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.

12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.

14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.

15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.

16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.

17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.

18. You say......."Where did the time go??"

19. You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.

20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

21. .....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......

22. Your shoes are suddenly 2 sizes too small.

23. You think faster than the computer.

24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ** kisses**.

25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.

26. You're on the phone and say BRB.

27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.

28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL ASAP."

29. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.

30. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.

Received from Robert and Regina Scott.

from GCFL: or write

added August 14, 2005

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