Some Reasons to Love Teenagers
They rarely vomit on your shoulder
They can teach you how to speak knowledgeably about Top 40
songs, movie stars,
clothing styles, and facial jewelry.
They can help program your VCR, reset your digital clocks,
and find that missing
file on your computer.
They never keep you up all night with gas pains, and hardly
ever run into the street.
They might help you with dinner; if you have a cast iron stomach.
They seldom hit each other with Tonka Trucks, and prefer to
spend their time on the
telephone discussing "like what he said and like what she
said" and "like what are
we going to wear".
They can bring new jokes into your family ( be careful where
you share these jokes!)
They can read their own bedtime stories, get their own drinks
of water and hardly
ever have accidents in their beds.
They can laugh with you until you are both in tears.
They can bust your buttons with pride when they make it through
treatment, do well
on a project you helped them with or tell people you are the
one who made a
They will remember you forever.
WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
" Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed.
"You know," explained the boy,
"I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...."
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and
out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter
says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
was tucking her son into bed. She was about
to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't
dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children wereinvited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That
is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to
get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing
in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your
A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What
are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two
plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What
I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
This is from a San Diego father who has identified
truths he learned from his children:
1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them
with roller blades they can ignite.
3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all
four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw
the ball up several times before you get a hit.
8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words
"uh-oh" it is already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke
-- lots of it.
13. A 6-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 60-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast
15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing
baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2,000-sq.-ft. house almost 4 inches deep.
17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a
18. Duplos will not.
19. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in
the same sentence.
20. Super Glue is forever.
21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to
22. So can Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you
still can't walk on water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
25. VCRs do not eject Peanut Butter &
Jelly sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
28. You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a
5-minute response time.
32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
35. A good sense of humor will get you through most
problems in life, unfortunately, mostly in retrospect.