Bush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed
the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side
of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against
us. There is no middle ground here.
Answer: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore,
the chicken crossing the road represented the application of
these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented
way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
Answer: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable
part of eChicken.
Answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell
my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little
bird gave me any insider information.
Answer: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with
a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed,
I've not been told!
Answer: To die. In the rain. Alone.
King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will
be free to cross roads without having their motives called into
Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and
that was good enough for us.
Walters' Answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we
will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of
molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing
Answer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken
did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road
because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing
walking around all over the place anyway?"
Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Answer: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll
bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and
I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group
to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe
this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens
crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I
say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government
took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't
you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken
was going to the "other side." That's what they call
it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
like "the other side.".
Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Answer: It was a historical inevitability.
Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Answer: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will
defend to the death its right to do it.
Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Answer: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Answer: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly
found in chickens.
Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that
the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual
Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Nixon's Answer: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat,
the chicken did not cross the road.
Answer: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken
Answer: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
Answer: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture,
and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into
Answer: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.
Answer: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Answer: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning
except to him.
Answer: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross
the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road
at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe
the chicken crossing?"
Answer: That is only for God to know.
Kant's Answer: Chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to
cross the road of his own free will.
Answer: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was
on at the time.
Answer: Because the government had fooled him into thinking
that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he
was really only serving their interests.
Answer: For the greater good.
Answer: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.
Answer: Because the external influences, which had pervaded
its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing
these actions to be of its own freewill.
Sartre's Answer: In order to act in good faith and be true to
itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Answer: Because it could not stop for death.
Answer: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Answer: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road
at the behest of the president of the United States of America,
in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American
public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official
has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just
another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme
to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that
reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional
immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation.
Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the
other side of the road, until our investigation and any Congressional
follow-up investigations, have been completed. (We also are
investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information
to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual
in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may
have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.).
Sanders' Answer: "I missed one?"
Added July 29 , 2003
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