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Cruising | Feeling Old | Airlines | Stormy Day | The Hobo and the BMW


This is a message from the Oracle Service Humor Mailing List.

These supposedly are true stories from someone who works on a cruise ship.

1. (For this one, you have to know that it's really easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and elevators on a ship.) A lady asked if this elevator went to the front of the ship.

2. Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.


3. A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

4. There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."

5. Two women were sitting by the pool, and one asked what kind of water they fill the pool with -- fresh water or sea water? The cruise director answered, "Sea water." "Oh, that explains why it's so rough today."

6. Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director usually tells them, "No, we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."

7. "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?"

Submitted by: Moody Fan 77 @


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Feeling Old

My son came home from kindergarten on his first day of school very excited. He told of all the new kids, the new toys, and all of the daily activities. I asked if he was good for his teacher? He replied, "Yes but this other kid wasn't. She got in trouble for touching the teacher's radio thing."

My husband asked what was going on, so I told the story as, "Some kid got in trouble for touching the teacher's radio."

My son said, "No Mom, the radio thing, the thing that plays the BIG CD'S."

Then we realized it was a record player and my son had no idea what it was. Enough to make you roll your eyes and feel very old, very fast.

Received from Good Clean Fun mailing list


From:, or send email to added July 15, 2000

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During the "rush hour" at Houston's Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it.

We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the following announcement:

"We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should 'deplane' at this time."

A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."

Received from Terouge.

From: added July 15, 2000

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Stormy Day

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."

The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."

The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

Received from PackyHumor.


From: added July 15, 2000

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The Hobo and the BMW

A hapless hobo comes to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. Soon, the well-dressed owner of the farm answers, "Yes, what is it?" The hobo begs, "Please sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days." The farm owner sternly says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around to the back, you will see a gallon of gray paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch at the back of the house, I will give you a good meal." So the hobo gladly agrees and quickly goes around back. Soon afterwards, he again knocks on the door.

The owner smiles, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in." After the hobo finishes a grand meal he turns to the farm owner and says, "Thank you very much, sir... By the way, there's something that I think you should know. That's not a Porsche you've got back there. It's a BMW."


added 15 March 2001

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