ANN ARBOR IDIOT
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead
of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
NEW YORK IDIOT
As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for
a positive ID. To which he replied "Yes, Officer ..... that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from ."
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up
next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged
his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner
of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
More: Added January 9, 2003
Subject: Will the
real dummy please stand up?
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President
John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual
leadership." He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland,
California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who
had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself
3. WHAT WAS PLAN
An Illinois man,
pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him
to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper
then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into
a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the
cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied
up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles
had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control
himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically
into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions
are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This
is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST
KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!
In Modesto, CA, Steven
Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate
a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllloooooooooo !)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
This is a true story!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert,
an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried,
they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform.
It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish
in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over
to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what
was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect
working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and
down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the
marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came
up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity".
Added February 14, 2000
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