Various Jokes

 

Beggars | Tourists | Other

Beggars

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David." The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"

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Tourists

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, Gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing"

Received from GCFL: http://www.gcfl.net.

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They say by the year 2020, video cameras will be the size of postage stamps and cost 50 dollars.  Of course, by then postage stamps will cost 60 dollars....
(from Linda: I honestly don't know when this was written - but I thought it was interesting.)
       -- Wayne Cotter, "Comic Strip Live," Fox TV

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Calories are little units that measure how good a particular food tastes.  Fudge, for example, has a great many calories, whereas celery, which is not really a food at all but a member of the plywood family, provided by Mother Nature so that we would have a way to get onion dip into our mouths at parties, has none.
     -- David Barry,  Stay Fit & Healthy Until You're Dead,  Reader’s Digest, April 1993

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As theater majors at Rowan College in Glassboro, N.J., my roommates and I compete for the wittiest comments.  Returning from a mime class, I found this phone note waiting for me:  "Marcel Marceu called.  No message."
      --  J. K. Kucher  Reader's Digest

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O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
       -- St. Augustine (354-430)  

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Newest Addition - January 10, 2000

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