When I say to move, it means go some place
else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and
contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and
is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size
bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can
actually curl up
in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize
space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs and DVD's are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit
from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years;
feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell
the other animals' butts. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change
To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our front
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain about
They live here. You don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off
I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs and cats are better than kids.
1. They eat less.
2. They don't ask for money all the time.
3. They are easier to train, usually come when called.
4. They never drive your car.
5. They don't hang out with drug-using friends.
6. They don't smoke or drink.
7. They don't worry about buying the latest fashions.
8. They don't wear your clothes.
9. They don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
10. If they get pregnant, you can sell the results (legally).
Added March 6, 2004
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