PMS Stories

 

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER The chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID #)#(*(*^*&% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN.

WHY???

BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.

THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!!

IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS..

That's how many.

 

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10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-***-****"

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

added 31 March 2001

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