Large, loft apartments in New York City are
plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.
One of a pair of identical twins is evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't
worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
It doesn't matter if you are greatly
outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently
to attack you one by one... dancing around in a threatening manner until you
have dispatched their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed,
everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible
to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or
anything else, at the age of 22.
Honest and hard-working policemen are usually
gunned down a day or two before retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs
prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly
gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their
captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
During all crime investigations, it is
necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped covers that
reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one
French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.
It's easy to land a plane, providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.
If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs
off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight,
your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.
The ventilation system of any building is the
perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and
you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
You're very likely to survive any battle in
any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a
German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will
A man will show no pain while taking the most
horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If staying in a haunted house, women must
investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is
what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.
If someone says "I'll be right
back", they won't.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight
road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go
A police detective can only solve a case after
he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street,
everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and
hear the music in your head.
Police departments give their officers
personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to
speak English to each other.
Added January 9, 2001
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