Estrogen, Pregnancy & Women | Estrogen "Issues" | For Smart Women | New Meds for Women | Things Only Women Understand |
Estrogen, Pregnancy and Women
PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes
she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while
my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel
and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up
every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1-
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon
bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought
WE ALL NEED TO SMILE
For All smart women (and the men who
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly
came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to
the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please
God, give me the strength to cross this river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs,
and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after
almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying,
"Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross
Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able
to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing
the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for
the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God,
give me the strength and the tools and the intelligence to cross
And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked
at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked
across the bridge.
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New medications for women - Funny!
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to six hours.
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing
the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't
wait till they moved out.
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before
an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence,
and improves flirting.
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting
in enjoyment of country western music.
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage
and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such
lines as,"You make me want to be a better person ... can
we get naked now?"
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency
and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying
frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond
CD or a book by Hillary.
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too
eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
More effective than Excedrin in creating the, "Not now, dear,
I have a headache" syndrome.
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as
nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble
of doing it herself.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, The Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN.
Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make
Added February 4, 1996
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