*** This is only a small subset, but you get the
1. We know stuff about tanks.
2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase.
3. We can open all our own jars.
4. We can make decisions without a support group.
5. We can leave a motel bed unmade.
6. We can kill our own food.
7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of
8. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
9. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can
still be our friend.
10. Underwear is $10 a three-pack.
11. Three pairs of shoes is more than adequate.
12. We don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is
13. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
14. We can sit quietly and watch TV with a friend for hours
without thinking, "He must be mad at me."
15. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
16. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring
a little gift.
17. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit
you just might become lifelong friends.
18. Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice
19. We are not expected to know the names of more than 5
20. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
21. The same hairstyle lasts for years-maybe decades.
22. We don't have to shave below the neck.
23. A few belches are expected and tolerated.
24. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
25. We can do our nails with a pocketknife.
26. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on
the day before Christmas and be done in 45 minutes.
Received from farrardiana.
From: http://www.gcfl.net added 7/15/2000
Back to Top
A Woman's Guide to Men's Gifts
Here are a few suggestions for Birthday shopping,
Christmas shopping or any other type of shopping for men. ** smile **
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill.
It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he
has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No
one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy
him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two
words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK.
"By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no
one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him
anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No
one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties.
And never buy men bathrobes.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to
replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a
big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he
flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized
canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are
Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as
cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea.
No one knows why.
Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says
"some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and
he will always have parts left over.
Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include
Northwest Iron Works, Wilson Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center,
and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also
excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.
"From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need." .... "Hey! Isn't
this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never
cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound
propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge!
Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11: Tickets to a Red
Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift. However, he will not
appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why.
Rule #12: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a
man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and
what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good
wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step
ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to
our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a
hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.
Received from CMZitzer.
The Good, Clean Funnies List: Good, clean funnies five times a week, FOR FREE!
For subscription and other information, go to the GCFL web page at http://www.gcfl.net, or send email to email@example.com.
-=+=- -=+=- -=+=- -=+=- -=+=- -=+=- -=+=- -=+=-
Back to Top
Back to Funny and Amusing Pages